God's Gift
by SarcasticFanatic
Summary: Children, a joy to the world? But what will happen when children are given to children? Will this joy become a terror or a saving grace?
1. Prologue

God's gift

Prologue

There are some people who claim that they can easily give first hand accounts to events like Godric Gryffindor's fight with Salazar Slytherin, and Merlin becoming drunk and doing a strip dance by jumping on the high table.

But there are none who would recognize the event that I'm going to relate to you today.

Millions of years ago, yes kiddo before even Albus Dumbledore himself was born; this story is THAT old, there lived a certain Adam and Eve.

Being the only two alive was cool and all but didn't have any entertainment potential. They then had a problem that teenagers, women, men, Sirius and even Voldy dear today have – they were bored.

Think about it, the only two humans given the huge task of populated Earth before they die and making Earth a place people could live in was a huge job. Come on, even they needed a break.

"Hey Ade?"

"Yeah, Eve?"

"I'm bored."

"Yes Eve I know. I had that problem before you came to live with me."

"So what you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did you solve it?"

"Well I told God."

"Yeah, but he's not exactly pleased with us is he?"

"But he has to forgive us someday! I mean we are his children."

"Poor thing, his hands are tied. One, he can't help but be angry, but two he can't help but not forgive us."

"I hope we are never in that position"

"Yeah."

"Hey, why don't we do the same thing? Why don't we ask God for help? He has to listen right?"

"Well..."

"Aw, don't be such a girl and come on. Be a man!"

"Fine, fine, come on"

"That's the spirit."Eve said grinning her hair falling in her face and her hands clapping she ran.

What could Adam do? He too ran.

"Hey where are we going?" He yelled.

Eve rolled her eyes in a duh fashion and said "To our house, where else will we be able to call him?" her tone suggested that she thought of him as intelligent as a donkey attempting the hula hoop.

Adam's cheeks gained a red hue and he said "What will I do without you? I'd be lost."

"And don't you forget it." She laughed.

When they reached the house, they found that their subject of conversation was standing in their threshold with an eyebrow raised, he emitted a faint glow that many girls (and Sirus Black) would kill to have.

"Do have any idea what time it is?" He questioned, his voice like that of a parent attempting to scold a child for doing something that he anticipated would do.

The two shuffled their feet and looked down at their feet, looking like two teenagers caught snogging by their parents.

"Uhh" they muttered, not understanding why they were embarrassed.

Finally God let them off the hook and said "well, did you want to ask me something?"

They both looked up remembering their previous conversation. They held a silent conversation with their eyes.

'You do it' Adam's glance said

'WHAT are you mad? You are older, do it'

'You are the one suggested it.'

'Now that's just mean.'

'Please. I'll do whatever you say.'

Eve sighed, a long gusting Oh-Lord-Whatever-did-I-do-to-deserve-this sigh. A- Well you got it.

Things you do for love.

"We are bored."

God looked at Eve at this startling (well, not really.) remark. He had been enjoying watching the different expressions on their faces as they conversed in what they thought was a subtle way.

'They thought' being the key word. You see after living for so long God prided himself on being quite intelligent, however even he was surprised by the strange remark that the young woman had uttered.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked the woman.

She sighed. For being all knowing, he wasn't exactly gaining any brownie points for deduction. She explained.

"We are bored My Lord. You don't know how boring it is. Only the two of us. You have it very easy. You won't understand."

If she knew how often his sentence had been uttered by millions of teenagers worldwide, years late, she would have patented the sentence. But however she didn't, so what the use is thinking of what-could-have-been's.

He froze in disbelief, He didn't understand?

"I assure you I understand quite well."

"I assure you, you don't. You don't understand how hard it is here. Working without any company other than Adam. It's easy for you. We are not even appreciated here. No thanks, nothing." She said earnestly. Or as earnest one can be while insulting the person being spoken to.

"You think I don't know what it is to be unappreciated? Well then alright, if you think being me is so easy. I'll put you in my position."

"You are going to make us the rulers of the universe?" Adam spoke for the first time bewildered.

God flicked his hand as if swatting an annoying but not enough to want to kill fly.

"That's not what I am."

"Sure you are."Eve said with conviction.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." She said only a bit louder. She wasn't scared. Why should she be? He was her father.

"You are infuriating. I don't know why I even made you." He exclaimed.

"Because your life would otherwise be incomplete without me in it, and if you hadn't you wouldn't be making up for making him." She said matter of factly, as she pointed to her lover, whose mouth opened outraged, then closed seeming to agree with her.

God gave her an uh-huh look, and the first man in the world one full of sympathy.

"So what are you making us?"Adam asked.

God then smirked and said "I'm making you parents."

"WOAHHHHHHHHHH WOAHHHHHHHHH WOAHHHHHH WOAHHHHHHHHHHHH" a voice pierced the air. The birds flew and the animals ran.

Adam and Eve the renowned and previously sane and composed residents of the planet Earth would never be the same.


	2. Howlers and Owls

**Disclaimer:I don't have the strength to kill Sirius Black**

**Howlers and Owls**

1977

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is a renowned school known for its disciplined and sweet natured students-

"POTTER! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU WILL BE DEADER THAN A COCKAROAH DROWNING IN A PEST RESISTANT BOTTLE"

Right, at least it was known for that, six years ago, before a certain volatile – though normally sweet – Lily Evans entered the renowned institution.

Though the fault didn't lie completely with Miss. Evans. Many would disagree –

"You are welcome to put your hands on me anytime, Lily dear"

-I would call them idiotic and selectively deaf. The bespectacled boy-soon-to-be-man was a willing (albeit insane) participant.

Getting back to our story, we now see a beautiful red head with startling green eyes furiously making her way through a crowd (who funnily enough jumped out of her way in haste. One could presume that this must happen often) to reach the hazel eyed offender.

Normally, when people see an angry fireball striding towards them with a hellish blaze in her eyes, sane people would run as far as they can in the opposite direction, even if the fireball wasn't headed their way. She was that SCARY.

But the key word in the above statement was the word 'sane', and the above mentioned boy was far from sane. Some might even say that he is "as bonkers as a strip dancing cowboy in the middle of winter, in Antarctica"; the creator of the statement you have just read widened his eyes and whispered to his best friend urgently "Mate I think she's really pissed off. Now's not the time to play Romeo, otherwise you are going to be the first Romeo murdered by his own Juliet." Because stupid, Sirius Black was not – though this is still being debated in the Slytherin common room every night on Thursdays, with a catchy title of "Sirius Black: Moron or Mastermind?"

Back to the story…

The fellow marauders namely – Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew slowly backed away, not wanting to be in the way of the renowned spitfire in her Path Of Doom.

Smart boys.

The same, however can't be said for a certain Mr. James Potter, who merely grinned and said "Relax Padfoot, my dear doe won't hurt me."

Naïve child.

Apparently the previously mentioned Marauder thought so too as he exclaimed with faint hysteria in his voice, a mix between amusement and concern for what was going to happen, his best friend was an idiot but he didn't deserve to die, "Ok, first of where do I start? 'My dear doe'? I didn't know you had time to smoke crack in the morning. And second of all, are we talking about the same girl here? Lily? Remember the girl who poured vinegar in your pumpkin juice because of which you fainted in front of McGonagall? The girl who without waving a wand turned you into a mermaid and you were forced to be serenaded by that merman dude who though you were his one true love? Or the time-"

Sirius however was interrupted in his passionate, albeit embarrassing speech by his now red faced friend who obviously didn't find the retelling of the most embarrassing moments of his life particularly amusing. Pity.

"That's enough Paddy, I get it-"

Do onto others as you want others to do onto you is a common saying translated in many languages. Pity no one really heeds to it, because then James Potter wouldn't have bothered interrupting his friend, as the same force of nature that stopped him from continuing would have done the same for his grey eyed friend.

Lily Evans had finally reached her destination. Sirius Black's eyes widened. Remus Lupin rolled his eyes at his idiotic friend. Peter Pettigrew wet his pants. God swore. But, a certain messy haired boy stupidly grinned.

"Wotcher love."

Boys got a suicide wish, was the thought resounding in several heads.

The girl's eyes narrowed.

"What did you mean by sending me a howler that proclaimed "It's a universally acknowledged fact that a single man in possession of a large fortune is in want of a wife. Lily, I have a large fortune, and am in want of a wife – Marry Me."?" She hissed, however due to the sudden depletion in the noise levels in the platform, this statement was heard by all, or was whispered to to the oblivious.

At this everyone's eyes widened for the millionth time, this was better than 90210! James Potter would actually be killed in real life which was more fun to see than people messing each others lives on TV. Though since many pronounced a television as a 'feletision' their opinion wasn't taken into account for this census.

However, for the first time since this story has started the young man to whom so many startled gazes mixed with pity were sent, his eyes too widened, he hurriedly stuttered "What! I-wait-no!-I didn't send you the howler! I mean I wrote letters like that but I never actually sent them, I mean it's not that I have changed my opinion about marrying you! I still do, and if I thought that there was even a 0.1 percentage chance of you saying yes, I would have gotten down on my knees.." He trailed off. One should learn the meaning of the phrase "digging his own grave" from a certain Mr. James Potter.

Lily's mouth was currently touching the floor, her eyelids her hairline and her eyebrows had disappeared long ago.

"What?" she whispered stunned.

James now sporting a beautiful blush hurried along like he wasn't looking like the mix between a cherry and an orangutan, "My point is that I didn't send you that howler, someone else must have, but who-" at this James's face was filled with the realization of a child who just found out that saying that they didn't eat the cookie when they have crumbs around their mouth wasn't a very bright idea.

Lily's face was too struck with the similar expression. Though she wouldn't admit it, she had come to the conclusion the minute James's eyes widened.

They both turned to a raven haired boy who slowly backed into the corner, afraid of Jane's half crazed eyes and Lily's hellish fire ones.

He chuckled weakly, "Hehe, April fool? Pleasedon'thurtme."

Sirius Black was a dead man.

"A broken leg? You gave Sirius Black a broken leg? OMG Lily my love, marry me!" This rather sadistic sounding sentence was spoken by a pair of red lips besmirched by chocolate. The girl in questions hair was swung back in a pony and her brown eyes fairly danced the tango in their sockets. Ah, yes Dorcas Meadows was reacting as birds would when they find canned products.

Many would presume that this girl didn't really like the boy in question. Or was a closet murderer.

But after carefully observing her behavior with others, one could conclude that she wasn't remotely acting like the lead in Dexter.

"Oh,Cas let up. You would be mad too if you were unlucky enough to be in my place. Imagine the scene- I'm trying to convince Dad to let me go back to Hogwarts. No Daddy, I'm not having a secret affair with a wizard, no dad I'm not insisting on going there to continue my budding relationship with a teen heartthrob, Of course I would tell you if I had a boyfriend- and at that very freaking moment, the letter that the sweet little birdie had given to me without warming ERUPTS and embarrasses the hell out of me and nullifies every fricking thing I had been trying to convince me parents of and give fuel to his conviction that I have a wizard boyfriend AND proposes to me in front of my sister, who you could tell was practically telepathically saying 'FREAK,FREAK,FREAK'." Finished a red in the face Lily Evans. You would be too if you narrated an epic and a half, while trying to forget the incident in questionitself.

Her two friends, who though loyal, were trying to stifle their laughter by putting their fists into their mouth. Wasn't helping.

"Got to admire the boys timing." Chocked out the previously mentioned Dorcas Meadows, when she was glared on by two very angry looking orbs of green.

On remembering this, Lily groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh, don't. If you even remotely like me, don't. "

Their curiosity prodded, the two girls looked at Lily. On getting no response they both looked at each other.

Dragons, Goblins and Wizard is a popular game. Specially in deciding the bearer of unfortunate news.

The aforementioned game was silently played between the two girls. Dorcas won.

The second girl leaned forward. Her hands playing with her long blond hair. She then asked

"What happened Lils?"

Lily fell back into her seat, forgetting all her sister's reprimands about having a straight spine – who cared about that when her life was in shambles.

Lily you must have noticed had a dramatic streak in her. But this time she couldn't be blamed for exercising her right.

"If you must know Alice Prewitt, I was screwed. With a capital S, because 10 minutes before that little bundle of joy arrived, I was already in a precarious position. Why? Because it was my Sister's Engagement Party. My family was there, her whale of a fiancée's family was there AND PROBABLY MY SISTER'S PEN FRIEND FROM BULGARIA'S FAMILY WAS THERE TOO! Imagine, a fat bull of a man standing on a chair which was wobbling form his weight tapping on his glass full of red wine, the moron. He is –oh, horror of horrors!- wearing a tux, a white one at that. "Ahem, Ahem," the whale man child says "Please if I could have your attention. I'm sure you all are wondering for WHAT reason this party was really kept. It is so that I could have everyone Petunia and I love here with us before I could ask her something."" Lily Evans rambled on recklessly, accepting her friends sympathetic smiles with a painful one of her own.

"Oh no." Alice whispered. Hoping that she was wrong.

Damn her to hell if that happens.

""Petunia, my darling, will you do me the honorable favor of mar- " And then someone shrieked, "OMG, a owl. A OWL is on my hair. A owl is ON my hair." Of course then someone just HAD to interrupt saying "An owl, if you must." " Lily rolled her eyes.

"" Yes, yes but that is very well, but if you could jus-" stumbled Dursely. Well we would if his sentence was short an simple. I mean seriously, it's only one question, why not just say the required words instead of STRETCHINGGG it out! I mean what is THAT?"

Alice coughed, though it was obvious that the previously stated opinions weren't favored by only one person.

"Right, so then of course there is an owl flying at me in the middle of the day. I ducked and unfortunately the owl that had planned on crashing at me struck something quite different- in size alone. The red wine which was previously contained in a glass cup spilled, and as Murphy would have it- all over Vernon Dursely's white tux. And no matter what they tell you, I'm probably the only innocent victim in this. So I naturally grab the letter and I run towards the back of the house not noticing the color of the blooming letter, and as luck would have it my dad follows me, and it was during the enlightening conversation that followed that I was forever scarred. Everyone, I tell you, EVERY SINGLE PERSON was in hearing distance and they all thought that I had gone to have a rendezvous with my lover. That made it easier to convince my parents of the sorry truth." Exhaled the girl mournfully.

Her two friends sat in stunned silence.

The silence telling, neither knowing what to say or do. Then a "So, whose lover died?" was heard. The three girls turned towards the door and looked at the smiling face of Frank Longbottom.

This was it. The three girls cracked. Loud, raucous laughter was heard form that compartment.

Laughter is, as they say, the healing balm of all embarrassments (well, actually not really.) and time.

Frank Longbottom looked at them puzzled.

"Oi! Can anyone please tell me why you are laughing and why Dorcas is shaking like one would while trying to shake an owl away from their hair."

This only caused even louder laughter. Frank rolled his eyes, resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to be granted the privilege of understanding the fairer sex anytime soon.

**Sorry it took so long, but I had exams (every FREAKING day!). Still do. But whatever.**

**Ok, I will upload if I get 5 more reviews and for my other stories, I have to just write the endings of many. review and encourage.**


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